the “fuck” finger
– Mama, why this finger is called the “fuck finger”?
– HAHH?! Eyes wide open, mouth wide open.
I stare at her for a moment and I try to read her. She is not being a smart ass, she keeps trying to fold her fingers into a “fuck you” position and she barely manages. Just the smash of the glass seems to take the attention away from her hand.
– They say this is the “fuck”finger, but why?
– What? Where did you hear that?
Her eyes wander from my face to the glass on the floor and back. I can see doubt on her face: she is unsure if she is in trouble or not.
Doubt on her face; shock on mine.
LittleDumbass comes over to check what happened. I command him to back off.
– Ok, tell me – I am nailing her with my eyes – where did you hear that; who said it; how; when… I need to keep my cool because, despite MissAttitude can sometimes be a smart ass, this time she seems asking a genuine questions.
Why this finger is called the “fuck” finger
Apparently, everybody in second grade seems to acknowledge that there is a finger –indifferent to which hand- related to “fuck”. Apparently “fuck” is also a term they all are quite confused, but there is a general feeling that the term has not good connotations.
Breath, I tell myself, as I try to regain my pose – and my pulse. Think fast, because this one requires some… careful answer.
The little one peeks over again eager to blame LittleMissAttitude for whatever is out there to be blamed. My eyes do the work: get out. He knows.
This is one of these moments in life when parenthood goes beyond playdates, birthday presents or family pictures; this is reality; this is my children facing the world beyond my protection. This is the time they will start facing the world with their own eyes, not with mines anymore.
I explain her the meaning of fuck; the meaning of the fuck finger; the meaning of second graders going around trying to figure out why this finger and not the other one.
As I clean the scattered glass on the floor I wonder how I will manage this things from now on; how hard times peek on the horizon and as l single mother l need to learn – as much as my children – to deal with these issues.
So, I raise my finger – not the fuck one – and ask for all the parents out there for tips and advice…