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about sarcasm, wine and horny cats

“Mommy, do you have 8000 kr in the bank?” MissAttitude seems really busy with my Mac.

“Ehhh, why?” I ask with skepticism.

“They sell cats on the internet for 8000 kr!”

I pause, I place a hand on my hip and I look – really look at her.

“Suuuure, for that price, let’s get two.” My tone indicates that I will pay 8000 kr for a cat… never in this life.

“TWO?! Are we allowed to get two? Yeaaahhh!!!”

At what age will these idiots are supposed to learn about sarcasm?

We adopt Lisa from the animal shelter after endless nagging. This kitten is either the nicest kitten or the dumbest one, because, let me tell you, one has to have infinite patience to deal with LittleMissAttitude and TheOtherOne.

And cats cannot have cocktails like mommy.

Anyway, the phone rings when the kids have gone to bed and I have already had an industrial-size glass of wine. As I answer a number I don’t recognize, I realize that this may be the I-like-the-leather-on-your-ass hottie from the gas station, and I am thrown for a nano-second.

“I am calling from the animal shelter.”

“Did we loose the cat already?” I silently ask myself.

My eyes wander the living room and find Lisa sleeping on the sofa. She seems alive. Good.

I am tipsy and the lady on the other line of the phone keeps rumbling something I don’t quite understand. I ask her to repeat a couple of times. I sense she is getting annoyed and she wants to finish the conversation.

“I am just calling to tell you that your cat is probably in heat by now.”

In heat?!” I repeat loud “Well, she is not the only one in this house!!”

I am laughing so loud and hard.

She is not.

“Ok. Ok.” I come down and say. “What do I need to do?”

“She needs to be sterilized.”

Well, that’s not nice, I think to myself.

“Do I need to be sterilized also? I am saying since I have been in heat for quite a while, too…”

After a long silence again, she rapidly gives me instructions and hangs up the phone.

Is that difficult for adults to get sarcasm?

.

A weird dream wakes me up in the middle of the night, where I am in one of these Animal Police shows you see on TV. Apparently, my house is not a suitable home for animals and they are coming to rescue the cat.

.

13 Comments Post a comment
  1. OMG! You crack me up! Loved it!

    May 29, 2010
  2. charmaine #

    Yes, I do believe Animal cops Houston would be after you 🙂

    May 29, 2010
    • They even played “Bad Boys” in my dream, as l holded Lisa in one hand, a cocktail on the other, and 2 rollers on the top of my head: “Dont take her away!” HAHAHA!!!
      😀

      May 29, 2010
  3. Maybe it will be really hot, sexy animal police??!! 😉

    May 29, 2010
  4. Aha. Very funny, indeed.
    Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha’ gonna’ do?
    Did you know that cats have an evil plan to take over the world and, of course, to shit in my vegetable patch.
    And speaking of sarcasm. I have never, ever, ever, ever, been sarcastic in my life, ever! 🙂
    Have a lovely weekend.
    Kind wishes, Gary

    May 30, 2010
    • Gary, l am amazed. Never sarcastic? really? l actually think that if i wasnt using sarcasm, l would had been killed a long time ago. lol

      No doubt cats are evil – try juice of orange peel… they say it works, but then again, cats can come to your veggie patch anyway and… puke?

      😉

      May 30, 2010
  5. I laughed so hard I nearly peed my pants- you crack me up 🙂

    Moth balls will get rid of the cats- but they smell awful- and who wants to eat something grown in moth ball dirt.

    May 30, 2010
  6. You had me at “And cats cannot have cocktails like mommy.”
    HA!

    Want to thank you for your supportive comment today- appreciate you stopping by very much!

    xoxo

    June 1, 2010

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