sabotage is the new savings
– Is it human nature to sabotage our own happiness?
I take a moment and I weight every word before I answer her. This is not the first time she does that and I wonder myself why she does it.
Because she does, sometimes, sabotage her own happiness. I have seen it before. And then she comes all confused looking for answers – answers she already knows.
I am getting annoyed. Maybe is just my mood today, maybe is because my phone is making a weird noise or maybe is because she comes out of the blue with this again. Is she happy? Yes, she is; I know she is. But I know also, that her relationship is a “probably-too-emotional-relationship”, where misunderstandings are often in order.
– Do you love him?
– Of course I do! – She jumps.
I remember that some time ago I had a rough patch with my AttentionWhore. He made a cocky comment on public taking me for granted and it actually hurt my feelings. He didn’t mean to, I know he didn’t – he told me that when things go bad in a relationship, one tries to mentally get prepared in case the relationship dissolves.
That I understand.
But what things go relatively normal, when the line is relatively flat, why try to find faults? Why try to find possible escape routes? Why try suddenly to see – or want to see – what is out there? Why do we want to look for just a little something else? Haven’t we enough?
Just plain, simple curiosity?
Nah! I don’t think so!
Sabotaging our own happiness is preparing for the future; sabotage is the savings on an emotional piggybank:
If we are at war, if we are down and unsure of us alone or us in a relationship, then we look for a defense mechanism, a preparation for the last leap of faith. Then, the hurt may be minimize if we relay on an alternate escape route. I don’t have option A anymore, thank Goodness I saved for a possible option B.
If we are happy, pleased and satisfied, we want to want more. We want to have the reassurance that something out there may always be waiting; that we will still be beautiful and desired; that doors don’t close – and if one closes, one will open right after that.
We want options. Or better said, we want to know that we may have options.
And to have options, sometimes we sabotage our own happiness.