Give me a poisoned apple or the Abtronic2
There is absolutely nothing funny about procrastination in the middle of the night. I am not talking about the evening, but the night. That time on the 24h round when “normal” living creatures snooze – no, sorry people, but night animals and vampires and are equally creepy and not considered “normal”.
I wish I was more like Sleeping Beauty; she takes a bite from an apple and she snoozes eternally and undisturbed like there is no tomorrow. Why I wish that? Because when I am upset or stressed, a curse falls upon me and I don’t sleep.
Seriously… I can go for a ridiculous amount of nights not sleeping.
Thing is, I could take that time to do something useful, but instead I master my procrastination skills.
Lets review last night:
We don’t start with a right foot since I am running out of ice, and my bourbon without ice is like… bourbon without ice.
A couple of shots while I decide to clean my e-mail inbox, but before I know goldfish syndrome invades me, and 2 seconds later I forget what I was doing.
I start ironing; now, I started with this batch a couple of days ago, when – curiously while ironing, I hang up the phone and I realized how pissed I am.
I did manage 1 shirt and 2 pillows, and there is not much progress today – excuse me, tonight.
I am really tired now, so after I walk up and down the stairs like a goldfish, I shower and go to bed.
TV turns on by default on TV3 and Paradise Hotel is on. I am not watching people having sex thought a night-vision camera, sleeping until noon and having colorful drinks on the pool while throwing some drama. Not necessary to make me jealous while I am in bed with an old jagged t-shirt and an acupuncture mat under my ass to “release tension”. Not cool at all.
Shantaram: ok, there is a curse on this book, also. I got the book on a 2×3 or 3×2 and by now I should be finished with all three and the only thing I have manage until now is 17 lines on the prologue. Apparently, I can have a good recycling conscience because at this pace I can have books until retire – or die – and I wont use much paper.
I have literally been pacing around the house again for a couple of hours, until I shower – again – and I go to bed – again, and then I realize my life is about to change forever when I discover…
On the screen a blond woman with a fitness top 23 sizes smaller over a pair of boobs 23 sizes bigger, states that, without any effort on your part, you will be able to exercise your abs muscles and get a 6-pack like hers… with the fabulous Abtronic2 – yes! They made a “2” version of it! As if it had nothing to with the machine, she declares that she has a doctorate on biochemicalenginering something and she knows what she is talking about.
Really… who are we kidding…
The woman doesn’t manage to conjugate more than 3 sentences together, but then I think that she is wearing a wrestling-look-alike belt around very delicate organs, electrocuting the shit out of her every 10 seconds. That alone cannot possibly be good. She smiles, but then again, it may be the botox paralyzing her lips. So yes! Go ahead and pig out on chips and beer in front of the TV because you are getting your 6-pack back!
I go downstairs for some reason l still don’t remember and I walk up again, this time, to find Mr. T with some kitchen appliance more disturbing looking than the Abtronic2…
I am scared, now.
Since we are in Norway – and actually “night” is a vague concept during the summer months- I make the effort to pretend is morning – not even 5am- and I am going to work. So I shower – again- and I decide to make some coffee and have breakfast. Options are some cat food, expired milk and a box of Tamiflu.
On the Discovery Channel, Ursula from Stuttgart explains the benefits of biodrainingelectricalsomething of electrical cars. She is not convincing at all on her explanation and looks like she could use a shot of something herself. Her colleague, Hans, looks at her and nods, but one can see that deep inside he is fucking pissed that she got the scholarship and the glory and secretly wishes she got electrocuted with the biodrainingelectricalsomething of the testing car.
Level 10 at full power with the Abtronic2 could also do the trick.
Suddenly the alarm goes off and I am happy I did beat it… how stupid can I be?
So I shower – again – and under the water I wish for a poisoned apple, or eventually the Abtronic2 so I can electrocute my brain and slip into a coma.