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Give me a poisoned apple or the Abtronic2

There is absolutely nothing funny about procrastination in the middle of the night. I am not talking about the evening, but the night. That time on the 24h round when “normal” living creatures snooze – no, sorry people, but night animals and vampires and are equally creepy and not considered “normal”.

I wish I was more like Sleeping Beauty; she takes a bite from an apple and she snoozes eternally and undisturbed like there is no tomorrow. Why I wish that? Because when I am upset or stressed, a curse falls upon me and I don’t sleep.

Seriously… I can go for a ridiculous amount of nights not sleeping.

Thing is, I could take that time to do something useful, but instead I master my procrastination skills.

Lets review last night:

We don’t start with a right foot since I am running out of ice, and my bourbon without ice is like… bourbon without ice.

A couple of shots while I decide to clean my e-mail inbox, but before I know goldfish syndrome invades me, and 2 seconds later I forget what I was doing.

I start ironing; now, I started with this batch a couple of days ago, when – curiously while ironing, I hang up the phone and I realized how pissed I am.

I did manage 1 shirt and 2 pillows, and there is not much progress today – excuse me, tonight.

I am really tired now, so after I walk up and down the stairs like a goldfish, I shower and go to bed.

TV turns on by default on TV3 and Paradise Hotel is on. I am not watching people having sex thought a night-vision camera, sleeping until noon and having colorful drinks on the pool while throwing some drama. Not necessary to make me jealous while I am in bed with an old jagged t-shirt and an acupuncture mat under my ass to “release tension”. Not cool at all.

Shantaram: ok, there is a curse on this book, also. I got the book on a 2×3 or 3×2 and by now I should be finished with all three and the only thing I have manage until now is 17 lines on the prologue. Apparently, I can have a good recycling conscience because at this pace I can have books until retire – or die – and I wont use much paper.

I have literally been pacing around the house again for a couple of hours, until I shower – again – and I go to bed – again, and then I realize my life is about to change forever when I discover…

Infomercials!

On the screen a blond woman with a fitness top 23 sizes smaller over a pair of boobs 23 sizes bigger, states that, without any effort on your part, you will be able to exercise your abs muscles and get a 6-pack like hers… with the fabulous Abtronic2 – yes! They made a “2” version of it! As if it had nothing to with the machine, she declares that she has a doctorate on biochemicalenginering something and she knows what she is talking about.

Really… who are we kidding…

The woman doesn’t manage to conjugate more than 3 sentences together, but then I think that she is wearing a wrestling-look-alike belt around very delicate organs, electrocuting the shit out of her every 10 seconds. That alone cannot possibly be good. She smiles, but then again, it may be the botox paralyzing her lips. So yes! Go ahead and pig out on chips and beer in front of the TV because you are getting your 6-pack back!

I go downstairs for some reason l still don’t remember and I walk up again, this time, to find Mr. T with some kitchen appliance more disturbing looking than the Abtronic2…

I am scared, now.

Since we are in Norway – and actually “night” is a vague concept during the summer months- I make the effort to pretend is morning – not even 5am- and I am going to work. So I shower – again- and I decide to make some coffee and have breakfast. Options are some cat food, expired milk and a box of Tamiflu.

Right.

On the Discovery Channel, Ursula from Stuttgart explains the benefits of biodrainingelectricalsomething of electrical cars. She is not convincing at all on her explanation and looks like she could use a shot of something herself. Her colleague, Hans, looks at her and nods, but one can see that deep inside he is fucking pissed that she got the scholarship and the glory and secretly wishes she got electrocuted with the biodrainingelectricalsomething of the testing car.

Level 10 at full power with the Abtronic2 could also do the trick.

.

Suddenly the alarm goes off and I am happy I did beat it… how stupid can I be?

So I shower – again – and under the water I wish for a poisoned apple, or eventually the Abtronic2 so I can electrocute my brain and slip into a coma.

.

14 Comments Post a comment
  1. You iron your pillowcases? Really?

    June 19, 2010
    • l know, l know…
      Sometimes my brain skips like an old record and l miss all reasonable functionality over myself…

      June 19, 2010
  2. LOL Elly took the words right out of my mouth!.. but srsly…how weird is it that you mention Sleeping Beauty? Don’t know what I mean?…read my latest post… hehe 😉

    June 19, 2010
  3. Arthur Park #

    It is still kind of sad, pacing up and down the stairs, no peace in the end of third shower – insomnia sucks.

    You write this insomnia with both sides of the keyboard.

    June 19, 2010
    • thank you, Arthur…

      One has to put some humor whenever possible on crappy situations… and is not always easy since the whole root of the insomnia is the pain carried inside… but at least one has to try, right?

      😉

      June 19, 2010
  4. Arthur Park #

    Yeah, the morning after, add humor. When phasing – there is probably none, and if it is, the humor is black like… black.

    Alone awake, restless. No fun.

    June 19, 2010
  5. I just gave you an award. Come by and claim it. 😉
    http://mycomfyescape.blogspot.com/2010/06/award-list-and-another-list.html

    June 19, 2010
    • WOW!!!!!!

      Now l am touched…Holly Smokes! ok, ok.. l dont even have a sticky note with my thank you’s… but, yes, as the post says – and l am good following rules..

      I, Vanilla North, are incredibly pleased to accept this award from a fantastic Blogger, Gadgerson from http://mycomfyescape.blogspot.com.

      things wouldnt nearly be this good without people like you, sista’.

      😀

      June 19, 2010
  6. i always like the moment i’m about to receive anesthesia and i do into that deep wonderful sleep. it’s such a treat. i wish that shit was available for sleep dep.

    a poison apple sounds good too.

    June 20, 2010
    • HA HA!
      Woman, do you go on surgery on a regular basis?…

      The idea of anesthesia over the counter without prescription sounds tremendously appealing…

      June 20, 2010
  7. I remember this night! We tweeted for a moment. As you are well aware, I appreciate your predicament.

    However, I must advise against mixing bourbon and hot irons. 😉

    I might also recommend a trip to a local market. Seriously, girl, the cat has food, perhaps the humans should too.

    If patty comes up with those anesthetic over the counters, I want a piece of that action. Please and thank you!

    June 21, 2010
    • Shawn, we are all on board to get enough supplies of (in order ogf importance) bourbon, anesthetic, more bourbon and food.

      (l am afraid to ask about the hot iron incident)

      😀 😀

      June 21, 2010

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