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driving North – soul searching map

Summer is all about happiness.

I read this on a magazine and the first impulse is to be captured by it. Two seconds after and I see the error on that affirmation.

Is happiness restricted to the summer season? Are we not allowed to be miserable in summer? More important, are we not allowed to be happy in the other three seasons?

The magazine gives some tips to accomplish summer happiness, like drinking enough water; loving the bed you are in or use sunscreen. As much as I appreciate being properly hydrated, and eventually a good night sleep – since that is my biggest curse, l doesn’t think my happiness will be found on those tips.

I am on a plane on my way to Barcelona. I was ready to write “on my way home”, but after being out of home for the last 17 years and had moved more than the Arnaldo Circus, I have lost the sense of where is home.

Home is where the heart is, they say.

Really? I am not even sure where is my heart, nevertheless my home then. But that is a whole another story.

Anyway, I am on a plane, and for the first time in a long time, I begin to allow myself to unwind. Three guys next to us on a boy-trip to Barcelona. Loud, ridiculously loud – one can feel and hear the excitement on the air, the plans, and the expectations mixed already with the uninterrupted circulation of alcohol between the three of them. I am feeling more their excitement than my own. And I think, and I make plans in my head also – or at least I try to make plans – and I remember that I made a list of things I wanted to do, and right now, sitting in the plane next these three aroused guys, my plans make no sense and then it hits me and I realize that this summer I should do a little soul searching and find my North.

My own North.

Now that I seem to have a little luxus time to reflect on my life, on what I want, and where am I going to with that.

Drawing a new map, like AttentionWhore wisely says.

These last months I haven’t had much time to draw shit. But the stress goes way beyond these last months, but to some years before, so many that I give up on the count when I know I will use more fingers that the ones in my hands.

The though of soul searching, though, hit me a couple of days ago, when I read something that made me think about home and peace and settling vs. wandering in a dessert. And it hit me the fact that I may have gotten all wrong all along. But then again, it may have been the three guys on a boys-trip so free of worries and insecurities.

But because of that, finding my Northmy peace– will be the real plan, this summer.

I hope to the Gods of the Dessert that all of you, my loving creatures, find your own North.

20 Comments Post a comment
  1. I wish the same for you! Have a beautiful stay.

    June 29, 2010
  2. Arthur Park #

    AH stopped try to find his north up north
    http://bit.ly/aNBDCz
    (It’s bloody cold and bloody dark there)

    Everything gets different in time, A small city grows smaller, the bread you smelled growing up, doesn’t exist – the dogs and the pals are dead and/or gone – the happiness of being young, at home, goes away – the magic disappears – the city changes color.

    Even so, you never stop search for the smell of that bread, the feel of frost that you enjoyed, or the days of summer that seemed so long – but weren’t.

    I don’t know if search for peace is better than search for home – it’s some of the same. What is good, is change of focus – doing something else if the other thing is tried and didn’t work.

    I shouldn’t write comments in the morning, Vanilla.
    I’d rather kiss you.

    June 29, 2010
    • Thing is, Arthur, “North” is not really a physical place..

      (or should l say “tangible?”)

      🙂

      June 29, 2010
  3. Freckles #

    Have a nice trip honey! And remember, ‘my north’ is in your heart some place. Never give up 🙂

    June 29, 2010
    • got that right, Freckels… actually…
      is in my very “CORE”.

      silvia’s core.

      *storklemtilF*

      June 29, 2010
  4. Arthur Park #

    I knew that. Doh!

    You travel south to find North? Me tried to travel north to find North – but didn’t – North was west.

    (what’s tangible?)

    June 29, 2010
    • 1. capable of being touched or felt; having real substance a tangible object
      2. capable of being clearly grasped by the mind; substantial rather than imaginary tangible evidence
      3. (Law) having a physical existence; corporeal tangible assets

      (l supposed l can’t touch my “core”)

      🙂

      June 29, 2010
  5. Martine Cartier - Bresson #

    Que dificil… y es que como seres humanos, creo que siempre estaremos en la busqueda de algo.

    Uno crece todo el tiempo, y que lindo que hayas sentido esto que describes con tan buenas palabras querida Silvia. me gusta.

    Creo que todos pasamos x lo mismo, minimo, un par de veces en esta vida! Yo aun me pregunto lo mismo, y no encuentro una respuesta definitiva, porque lo que quiza desee ahora para mi vida en adelante, ya no sea tan interesante en unos anhos, o quiza lo consiga pero quiera algo diferente.

    Dime, no seria aburrida la vida si no tuvieramos estos planteamientos acaso?

    So, enjoy my dear! Find your north, in the sunny and lovely south:)

    Ceci

    June 29, 2010
    • Estimada Martine,

      Me pregunto muchas veces si estar permanentemente insatisfecho es condicion humana. Yo estoy bastante segura que si. Yo se que soy en general una persona feliz -o tengo lo que querria para ser feliz- pero a veces tengo las sensacion que quiero mas, o si no, alguna otra cosa.

      Es lo mismo ser feliz que estar satisfecho?

      Yo creo que no.

      Si, la vida te pone en esas situaciones varias veces, pero no siempre tenemos los ojos abiertos para verlas, la mente abierta para entender el cambio, o el corazon abierto para acoger el cambio.

      Cambios son duros, pero tambien pueden ser increiblemente “fullfiling”.

      The sunny and lovely south is not giving me my North…
      At least not yet.

      Insatisfaction?

      Besitos… millones 😀

      June 30, 2010
  6. Herlig tekst Silvia!

    hmmm….Finding North er antagelig et livsvarig prosjekt, men man kan iallefall jobbe for å komme så nær som mulig. Jeg adopterer prosjektet ditt 🙂

    Ønsker deg en strålende ferie!

    June 30, 2010
    • Kjære stjernetyven

      yeap… finding North kan bli et livsvarig prosjekt; Noen de finner den, noe de ikke finner det.

      Det viktigste er å alltid se etter hva som gjør oss glade.

      God ferie til deg også.

      *vanillaklem*

      July 1, 2010
  7. philadelphia is north. come visit me.

    you’ll get there dahling. enjoy the ride!!!

    June 30, 2010
    • Pattypunker:
      l remember l did like Philly big time. Would love to take a trip across the pond again – possibly next year.

      Thanks, babe!
      🙂

      July 1, 2010
  8. I just love you! Sometimes the thing you needed to hear the most comes from the most unexpected source. You have a beautiful mind.

    July 2, 2010
  9. MT #

    Ho er så fin denne teksta di her Silvia,fin og sterk.Takk.
    Å finne sitt eige nord….prøver stadig.Kompassnåla dirrar,hjertet også…

    Marieklem med ynskje om fine feriedagar for deg.

    July 2, 2010
    • Takk for fine ord, kjære Marie.
      Tja! det er helt sikkert hjertet som styrer nålen.. men det er hjernen som skulle holde kompassen.

      Tror jeg

      😉

      July 2, 2010
  10. Thank you. I hope I do too. At the very least, this Sunday I will be heading towards the ocean. When I am sitting on the sand facing the ocean, I feel peace.

    July 8, 2010

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